In 1994 I came to Memphis from Jacksonville, Florida. After being incarcerated due my drug and alcohol use I never thought my life would change.
I started working and eventually regain custody of my children. 14 years passed and I never thought drugs and alcohol would become a priority again. You see I was just a dry drunk. For several years I would work job after job and think I had arrived successfully. I was a bitter and lonely person. I couldn’t get my life right no matter how successful I thought I was. I became addicted to people. In other words I was always people pleasing. I never knew who I was. I only knew that I had to keep up a image of being happy and making sure everyone around me was happy. I was always angry. I always expected people to give to me the way I was giving to them. I held on to people no matter how bad they treated me. I was full and shame and guilt. I owed everything to my family, how could I fail. But it continued to happen year after year. Drugs and alcohol became the only life I knew. I went to Caaps for 6 months and again I felt I knew what I needed to do. Always taking charge. Little did I know that being in charge meant giving everything up that you think you know and allowing someone else to teach you a better way of living. I didn’t mention I was also addicted to control. In 2017 two judges ordered me to treatment in exchange for prison time. I elected to come to Grace House hating the required 3-6 months. I still had reservations to continue my road to destruction. I thought everyone that knew me was done with my way of living. Honestly they were, however, they also understood unconditional love. I took a lot of letting go of my false pride, beaten down ego and becoming humble to receive what Grace House had in store for me. I had to get off the pity pot of all my abandonment issues, excuses and reasons on why I use drugs. I had to become more willing to go through temporary pain for a life-long solution. Grace House helped me to face my fears. I didn’t have to pretend anymore. I could admit that I was homeless, jobless and afraid of just the next day. How could a woman of my age be in a situation like this? It’s very easy if you never get to the core issues. Life has its ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean that you have to find a solution in alcohol, drugs or people. Self-examination and believing in something Bigger than yourself has helped me to Recover one day at a time. I used drugs and alcohol for most of my adult years. Having a long time Recover House is the best solution for any long term drug abuser like myself. I live with 4 other woman and I’m so very Grateful that Grace House has allowed me to become a part of their program. I’m very active in the recovery community throughout Memphis and I try very hard to uphold all the high standards that Grace House has afforded me.